Jew Gold
by Dolium-Praedonum
Summary: Stan has been blackmailed into finding something he doesn't think exists and ends up discovering something entirely different. Style.
1. Part 1

A/N This is going to be my last South Park fic with a pairing. Just finishing up an idea I had a few years ago. I'll update whatever this is maybe once a week or so till I have it done, probably five short 'chapters'. Read on! Its heavy on references, and meant to be very silly. Kiddos don't have great judgment.

* * *

"You're making that up, Cartman."

"Its the truth Stan."

"Cartman, Kyle doesn't have any...Jew _whatever_."

Stan sighed at Cartman's indignant face and pinched the bridge of his nose. The two boys were in Cartman's bedroom, the fat one seated behind his desk, his hands folded neatly on the polished oak. How many times had Stan been in this exact same position? How many times had he been black mailed, tricked, and disturbed in this chair since the days of their childhood?

Too many.

"No Stan! He does. All Jews have a little sack of gold they carry around their neck. Jew Gold." Cartman held up a picture of a small brown satchel hanging by a thin white string.

Stan rolled his eyes. "You are so full of it. Why are you even telling me this crap?"

The sudden gleam in Cartman's eyes made Stan want to throw up his hastily eaten lunch.

"Because, Stan," He said in a deliciously devious voice, "I want you to get it for me."

Stan was unimpressed despite Cartman's sickening look. "You don't honestly expect me to steal from my best friend, do you?"

"Of course not, Stan," said Cartman in a tone that was obvious that he absolutely did, "But if you don't, I'm going to tell your parents that you were in the closet with Wendy at Clyde's party."

Stan jumped to his feet. "Yeah, but...nothing happened! We broke up months ago! We only went in there because we were playing that stupid game! Seven minutes in-"

"Heaven, yes, I know. However, your parents don't."

"Well...then I'll tell them first!"

"They'll call Wendy's parents too. Parents don't take lightly to that kind of thing. You'll be grounded for what, two? Three weeks?"

Stan took a step backwards, "No..no! I can't be grounded, Token's super kick ass party is on Saturday!"

Cartman leaned forward and down, causing a shadow to creep over and highlight the most frightening features of his face. "You _will_ get me Kyle's Jew Gold."

Stan hung his head in shame. "Fine. I'll _look_ for this goddamn 'Jew Gold'. But he's not going to have any!"

"Excellent," Cartman exclaimed, sitting back comfortably, ignoring the opposition. "But be careful, Jew's always keep a spare one full of fake gold so that no one steals the real one. Discretion is needed. I can't have Kyle know what we're after."

Stan sighed and grabbed his backpack off the bed. "Whatever dude." And with that, Stan was out of Cartman's bedroom, out of the house.

No matter how severe the punishments, Stan would never have agreed to steal something of Kyle's if he thought it actually existed. Then again, Kyle had made the same mistake with Leprechauns...but that was different, right?

Stan shook his head at the unfortunate memory. He couldn't even remember exactly how that trial ended. Stan decided he would just hang out with Kyle and check out if he wore anything that resembled the satchel. Then, he could prove the fatass was wrong. But how would he check? Stan shoved his hands into his pockets and kept walking down the dismal street. The summer was fairly cozy and stable, but today gray clouds swirled above him menacingly. A slight drop of rain landed atop his nose. It was then that Stan's idea was first formed. He turned directly around and headed to Kyle's, further constructing the plan as we walked.

* * *

"Stan? Are you sure you want to go? It's like sixty degrees out here." Kyle looked warily at the storm brewing overhead.

Stan glared at the sky before ushering his friend into the big, colorfully painted building. "The pool's indoors Kyle, it doesn't matter how cold it is outside."

Kyle shrugged at his friend and smiled at the woman behind the counter. "Hi Mrs. McCormick."

"Hai boys," she said in the shakey and scratchy voice that claimed her both a smoker and a drinker. "Kenny's in the back room testing treadmills. Go on back." She waved them away from the desk and lifted a water bottle that was undoubtedly filled with some kind of a liquor to her lips.

"'Bye Mrs. McCormick."

"Will I see you two boys in church this sunday?"

The boys shared a glance. "Sure Mrs. McCormick."

"Well alright then," She said dismissively, and continued to drink.

"Dude, isn't she going to get fired for drinking on the job?" Kyle whispered incredulously. "And...I thought they worshiped Cthulhu?"

"No way man, she's like totally armed back there. The last person who asked her what was in the water bottle needed 12 stitches! Everyone's afraid of her." Stan opened the door to the weight training room. "Maybe regular church is to flush out all the...weird midnight birthing stuff."

He led Kyle though the big double doors to where Kenny was crouched by a big machine that if improperly used, had obvious potential to kill someone.

Kenny stood to greet his friends. "Hey guys what's going on?"

"Come on, we're going swimming." Stan's bad mood was more than poorly concealed. He could feel the guilt building and boiling over into agitation. He felt wrong about even agreeing to basically spy on his best friend, whatever the cost and however improbable the outcome. It was his decision to go into that closet, damn it, and he should have stood up to Cartman!

Kenny glanced at Kyle, who rolled his eyes in apathy. Kenny turned back to Stan, giving his muffled reply.

"Okay, let's go." Stan spun on his heel and pushed hard on the metal bars. He paused, staring at them as if they had just made a gesture of serious offense. It lasted only a second, before he was out the door and walking briskly down the empty hall to the lockers.

The pool was virtually empty. They had picked a good time to go; all of the students were either sleeping in or working their summer jobs, all of the adults were at work, and it was almost lunchtime for the old men who were determined to stay in shape. Stan popped back into the locker rooms just as Kyle and Kenny entered. "Pool's all clear."

A slight nod of the head for each of the boys was the only confirmation that they'd heard. If Stan weren't so irritated with that damn fat-ass then he'd have been unnerved by the quiet. The only sound was the gentle rustling of clothes being removed and replaced. He sighed under his breath, aware that his frustration at the blackmailing earlier that morning was wearing on his friends. He felt like a tool, having let himself be manipulated into an attempt at reducing his best friend into nothing more than a stereotype.

Despite his morals, Stan knew this was his opportunity to prove Cartman wrong. He was a bad liar, if Cartman looked him in the eye and asked, he would know Stan hadn't even tried. He turned where he stood to face the red headed boy. Kyle had just finished untying his shoes and was beginning to unbutton his pants. Stan watched as Kyle paused at his open pants, and started to pull of his shirt. Stan felt his face grow hot; what kind of a person watches their friend like this? But he kept his eyes on him, it was the only way to shut Cartman up. The other boy's shirt was placed in the locker, and Stan searched desperately Kyle's neck for any necklace. He didn't see one. He breathed his release.

Then Kyle started shucking down his pants and Stan turned his head so quickly his neck popped. Kenny noticed, and laughed at him.

"Shut up, Kenny." Stan glared.

Kyle looked up. "What'd I just miss?"

"Stan's being shy."

"I'm not shy you jackass, I just don't wanna see my friend's dick!"

Kenny dropped his pants, wiggling his boxer clad package at Stan and laughing hysterically at the face he reaction.

"DUDE! KENNY!" Stan shouted, but he heard Kyle snicker.

"Lighten up dude, they're just dicks." Kenny turned around and dropped his boxers, wiggling his bare ass before slipping into his swim shorts. "Are you worried my sexy body will turn you on?"

Stan scoffed at the pose Kenny struck, hand on his hip. "Whatever dude. Are you gonna watch _me _change now?"

Kenny dramatically fell onto the bench beside Stan and rested his chin on his hand. "Maaaaybe."

Stan gave him a look. "Don't be gay." Then he frowned. "I mean, totally be gay if you want, just, don't be gay _at me _while I'm changing."

Kenny looked like he was thinking hard, so Stan switched into his swim gear while he was distracted, grumbling about friends being easier to handle when high.

Kyle shoved Kenny's shoulder as he passed by them. "If you guys are gonna stop being hormonal any time soon, _I'll_ be in the pool."

Kenny grinned at Stan before jumping up and running past their red headed friend.

"CANON BAAAAALL!"

* * *

"No WAY!"

A slack jawed Stan stared at his chubby foe. He had just spent a half hour recounting every last detail of the uncomfortable adventure of watching his best friend undress.

Cartman's eyes narrowed, "You were careless. You left him several opportunities to remove his gold and hide it without you noticing. _Sneakyjewrat_," He mumbled darkly.

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation. "I am _not _doing this again. Once was plenty."

Cartman slammed his hands down on the desk, the effort giggling his entire being. He rose to shout at Stan. "IF YOU DON'T I'M GONNA RAT OUT TOKEN'S PARTY!"

"Dude! _Not _cool!"

"If you had bothered to do it correctly the first time, we wouldn't be IN this SITUATION!" Cartman snapped. "You'll just have to do it again. Offer to buy him something, Jews can't resist an opportunity for free stuff."

"GOD DAMN IT CART-" Stan shut his eyes. Getting mad would get him nowhere. He needed to placate if Token's super kick ass party was at stake. "You know what, I'll just take care of it. I'll take care of it, okay?"

Cartman lowered himself back down onto his chair and leaned back, looking focused with consideration. After a long moment, he conceded. "Alright. But you had _better _be thorough."

Stan got up out of his chair and made for the door, pulling out his phone. He paused, halfway out of the room. "Hey Cartman...ratting out Token's party would make you the most unpopular kid in school...why do you want Kyles money so bad?"

Cartman looked up from his faux paperwork (Stan had seen; they were collages of ice cream and fried chicken), with a face as if they answer were the most obvious thing in the world.

"After the incident with the ginger cow, my mother cut off my allowance. The new Elder Scrolls game comes out in a week."

Stan slammed the door.


	2. Part 2

It was later that evening, around 8, when Kyle's phone rang. His parents had left already and he had just started watching the newest X-Men movie with his younger brother. Ike looked irritated by the ringtone, but Kyle answered anyway.

"Hey, Kyle."

"Hey, Stan."

"Whats up?"

Kyle shrugged out of habit. "Not much, baby sitting tonight."

The baby-sitee paused the movie to glare at Kyle.

"Ah man, I was gonna see if you wanted to spend the night."

Ike, who could hear Stan now that the movie was paused as he sat beside Kyle on the couch, looked up at his brother. "Didn't you guys just hang out?"

Kyle waved him away, "Well dude you could come over here if you wanted. Its my parents anniversary, so they'll be out and I have to stay here with Ike, but I can have company and stuff."

"Oh cool, when should I come over?"

Ike, still listening, raised a suggestive eyebrow. "Couldn't get enough of you?"

Kyle glared at Ike and shoved a pillow in his face to halt and further commentary. "Whenever is fine. Could you bring something over from a redbox? My mom left us money for a pizza, we could do like...movies and pizza."

Stan smiled into the phone. "Okay, I'll see you guys in a few."

"See ya." Kyle hung up and stopped trying to suffocate his younger brother. He tossed the pillow to the other side of the couch.

Ike didn't say anything, but stared at him with an obnoxiously knowing smirk.

"What!"

"You guys are so gay."

Kyle rolled his eyes and got off the couch. "Whatever, Ike."

"Wait, Kyle?"

Kyle turned in the doorway to the kitchen. "Yeah?"

"Are you guys using protection?"

"_IKE_!"

* * *

"So," Kyle asked through a mouthful of pizza, "What'd you end up renting?"

"22 Jump Street, I heard it was as awesome."

They were leaning against the kitchen counter with Ike, eating a plain pizza they'd decked out with grilled bell peppers and meat from the fridge. Kyle had been trying to get Ike to join their conversation but he was locked into the new album from Kersploosh. He swallowed another huge bite. "I never saw the first one."

"What! It was fucking hilarious. You've gotta see it!"

"Okay, we could probably find it online right?"

"Yeah. You wanna go sit down?"

"Yeah," Kyle grabbed a couple more slices onto his plate.

In the living room Stan kicked his feet out onto the coffee table and balanced the plate on his knees while Kyle got himself situated and grabbed for the remote.

"Did you say earlier you wanted to catch up on Game of Thrones?"

"Sure dude, I've been watching it on my computer but I'd be down to see boobs on the big screen."

"Okay dude, I've wanted to ask someone, what's with all the boobs in this show? Like, every single episode. I get there is a lot of sex in the books, but still."

"What are you talking about? Its HBO, of course theres boobs."

Kyle shrugged, evaluating. "I don't know, I guess I don't see the point."

That was enough to cause Stan to look away from the screen. He squinted to see if Kyle was joking. "You don't see the point...of boobs?"

"Not really. Whats the big deal? They look just like Cartman's when he takes off his shirt."

"Sick!" Stan stood up quickly. "That's it, you've ruined boobs for me! You're a monster."

"Boo-hoo."

"Lets watch something else. I can't follow the plot so without boobs, this show doesn't hold a whole lot for me anymore."

It was Kyle's turn to be insulted. "Are you kidding? This show is great! It covers a whole world, its like Lord of the Rings but...with more misogyny."

"Yeah, that sounds _awesome_," Stan said sarcastically.

Kyle scoffed, but he was smiling. "You just don't know good plot."

"And you don't know boobs." Stan responded without missing a beat.

"I dunno, I think I know boobs pretty well. Maybe I'm just more of a butt guy?"

"Yeah? You tryin' to find out?" Stan gave his ass a shake as he switched the picked up his copy of Skyrim that had been at Kyle's house for at least a month.

Kyle called his bluff. "Maybe. We could try a strip tease?"

At this, Stan rolled his eyes. "Kyle, you're so gay sometimes.

He smiled and shrugged. "Shut up. Lets just watch that movie you brought over."

After the two movies and the newest Game of Thrones episode, Kyle was rubbing his eyes sore.

"Man, those were great but I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed. Where did you wanna sleep tonight? I'll get it set up before I crash."

Stan shrugged, "I'm fine where ever. I'm pretty beat too, though."

"You can sleep in my room again if you want, or out here on the couch."

"Dude your couch is the worst. I'll just sleep in your room. Besides your bed is like perfect."

"Perfect for what?"

They both turned to see Ike standing in the doorway with a dubious look.

Kyle glared daggers at him but Stan looked confused. "Perfect for what?"

Fortunately for his older brother, Ike said nothing but walked out of the room, shaking his head.

Stan sent a questioning look to Kyle. "That was weird. Right?"

Kyle shrugged and stood up, heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth while Stan shut down the xBox and stretched out on the couch.

He lay there for a moment, looking up at the ceiling and trying to not think about fatass-Cartman. Eventually, he sighed and made his way into Kyle's room. He glanced around, it was far more clean that he'd expected. In fact, it was so clean that there was practically no place for someone to be hiding much of anything. Curious, he poked his nose into a couple drawers and found nothing but folded clothes and the usual bedside equipment of a teenage boy.

"Huh. That was easy."

"What was easy?"

Stan turned to see Kyle standing in the doorway of the bedroom holding out a spare toothbrush, another stuck between his lips. Which actually caused the question to come out more like, 'wah wha e-ay?', but Stan knew what he meant. And he was about to reply when he was cut off by Ike shouting from the other room, "_Your mom was easy_!"

Kyle slammed the door against another shout about 'protection' and 'German herpes'. He shook his head and took the toothbrush out of his mouth to explain. "Ike's been having trouble with puberty, ever since that mix up with the hormones."

Stan wasn't convinced. "Did he say '_German Herpes_'?"

"Yeah, its a Canadian thing."

"Uh...huh," Stan said slowly, his brow furrowed.

"Toothbrush?" Kyle offered, distracting him.

"...thanks." Stan took the toothbrush and followed Kyle back into the bathroom. He squeezed the last bit of the toothpaste onto his brush and tossed the empty tube into the garbage. He stood beside Kyle, brushing at his reflection.

Stan felt a smile tug unconsciously at the corner of his lips; with his mind completely free from Cartmans, he realized how much he liked little things like this. Such a boring night with his best friend made him feel like he was still just a kid with no big responsibilities. When they did stuff like this it was like no time had passed, Kyle was still his constant. And in a crazy world of Mecha-Streisands and reality TV fads, it was good to have someone who was constant.

While he was thinking about whether or not he should voice his appreciation, something caught his eye as Kyle opened a drawer to grab a fresh tube of paste. It was a small, brown satchel, swollen with its contents.

Quickly he spit into the sink and pointed. "Dude, what is that?"

"What, this?" Kyle picked up the little purse. "Oh wow, I forgot this was in here."

Stan fought to keep his voice neutral when he asked, "What is it?"

Kyle turned it upside down and out fell four round, gold coins. Stan could have screamed; this was very, very bad.

But then Kyle swiped them off the counter and right into the trash. "Every Hanukkah our aunt gives me and Ike these bags of chocolate coins, and almost every year Ike eats mine. I forgot I hid it in the bathroom so he wouldn't find it. Thats gross, its been in there for like 8 months."

Relief rushed over him. Stan had never been so happy to be wrong. "Weird. I guess he never found it."

Kyle made a face. "Guess so. Gross."

Stan actually laughed at his friend, "You're way to clean man. At least it wasn't moldy or anything. Can I borrow a pair of sweatpants or something to sleep in?"

"Yeah, sure." They went into Kyle's room where he fetched a pair for his friend and one for himself. They changed and climbed into the bed, keeping a safe amount of distance.

"Goodnight, dude."

"G'night Stan.

* * *

Something felt good.

Stan was upright in the middle of a darkened room. He couldn't make out any other solid objects in the dimly lit space, but it didn't feel important. What felt important was the figure waiting impatiently on their knees before him.

"Can I start?"

It registered quietly in the back of Stan's mind that he was dreaming. "Start what?"

The person whose face was obscured by darkness stopped rubbing his crotch through his jeans and began unbuttoning them. "Don't be shy...I know this is what you want."

Stan recognized the voice was masculine, but that didn't feel important. What felt important was the warm hand that was now gripping him firmly. It squeezed, and he moaned before he could stop himself.

"I want you."

Stan felt his cock twitch against the other man's palm.

"I want you...right here."

A tongue slid slowly up from his base to his tip before engulfing the head around two soft lips. It was so wet and tight and surprising that Stan gasped, the breath coming out in a hiss.

"Fuck, that feels good."

The lips around him hummed softly. He held the base of his cock and bobbed his head up and down, sucking strongly while the tongue lapped at the shaft. He looked down into the soft green eyes and felt his stomach tighten and his heart rising to his throat.

The feeling on his cock was so intense he knew that he was close to cumming. Through the fog of sleep, a soft distracting noise was trying to interrupt what was probably the best sex dream he'd ever had.

"Stan?"

"Uuuugh."

"Hey, wake up!"

"Nggh," Stan opened his eyes and found him looking directly into the green ones from his dream.

Horror struck.

"K-Kyle!?"

* * *

a/n: Stay tuned to find out why the Token's party is going to be super kick ass.

Sorry this was mostly a filler. I can see Ike being a really antagonistic younger brother. Teases Kyle and says some shitty things, but loves him and doesn't care about the weird shit he might be into.


	3. Part 3

It was normal for Stan to have a sex dream about...pretty much anyone. And from what he'd seen on reddit, that was normal for someone his age and usually was just a sign of admiration and respect. But that dream was nothing like the ones he'd had about Bebe's mom, Mr _and _Ms Garrison, or even the sadistic gym teacher. While there was no question that he respected and admired his best friend, he had dreamt such an intense, unforgettable feeling...even if the only way he knew how to describe it was 'horny'. He rubbed a hand across his bare chest, feeling the ache there.

And it wasn't that he had a sex dream about another guy, Stan knew that much. During experimental masturbatory sessions he'd watched his share of man on man. His libido didn't falter, and his brain didn't really seem to differentiate between male and female when it came to getting him hot; sex was sex. And maybe that really was the best way to go, as a teenage boy he wasn't getting many takers, why should he discriminate?

It was because it was Kyle. Because of that dream, Stan was questioning his feelings for his best friend_._

Love seemed like a dramatic word, but he had a best friendship and even a bromance with Kyle. Of course he was important to him but, was there more he hadn't thought of? Maybe it was just watching him so closely yesterday that put that thought in his head. Or maybe...watching him gave him a different perspective?

He shut his eyes against his thoughts.

And what about the other party involved? He felt guilty, having such intense emotions, even while dreaming, about his friend. How would Kyle feel if he knew? Stan wanted to groan. He'd probably think he was perv.

-_knock knock_-

Stan actually jumped, but Kyle didn't seem to notice.

"Hey, you're still up. I thought you fell asleep again after I left." Kyle smiled and came to stand by the bed, sipping a cup of coffee. "You OK? You look like you had a bad dream."

Stan tried not to think about it. After Kyle had left, he'd lain down again but did not sleep. "Why'd you knock? Its your room."

Kyle shrugged, grin pulling at his lips. "I dunno. Wanted to give you a chance to hide your morning-wood."

Stan pulled the blankets closer and his stomach did a somersault. "Dude, don't even joke."

Kyle scrutinized his friend for a moment before jumping onto the bed beside him with a look that was half sympathy, half leer. "No way! Did you have another sex dream about Mr Kolinsky?"

Stan shoved his friend. "Shut up. No."

"Ooooh," Kyle poked at him, low on the hip. "Is this about dicks again?"

Stan squirmed under the touch. "Again? What do you mean again?"

"You know, yesterday at the pool. You got all dick shy while we were changing. It's cool, sometimes that happens."

Truly embarrassed, Stan covered his face with his hands. This was worse than when he started literally growing vaginas. They'd had such a great night! Why was this happening? "Stop talking."

"Am I making it worse? I'll stop." Kyle's tone argued that he had no intention of doing so.

With one of his hands he covered Kyle's mouth. "Stop. Talking."

Kyle did what anyone would do in that situation and licked the hand covering his mouth hole.

"Sick dude!" Stan pulled his hand away and tried to wipe it on Kyle's shoulder.

"Hey, don't do that!" He tried to dodge but Stan pursued, tackling him onto the bed.

"I'm just giving it back!"

Kyle laughed, rolling over to pin Stans hands away from rubbing the spit on him.

"Well I don't want it back!

"Boys, isn't it a little early to be fighting?"

They both looked up to see Kyle's mother standing in the doorway, looking amused.

Stan hastily pushed Kyle off and put distance between them, feeling awkward.

Kyle laughed and rubbed at his bare chest. "I guess so. We didn't wake you up though?"

"Of course not bubby your father and I have been up for ages." Sheila spared a glance down the hall. "You might've woken up your brother though. You know how teenagers can be. Ye-_ikes_!" She winked at her play on words and left the boys alone.

Stan felt a awkward silence permeating the air.

Kyle didn't seem to notice.

"You guys seem like you're getting along well."

Kyle smiled, "Yeah, she's been really great. I think she's proud of me."

"Thats great Kyle!"

Kyle got a mischievous look. "I even talked to them about Tokens super kick ass party, and they said I could go! I forgot to show you this last night, check it out!" Kyle leaned over the side of his bed and dug around for something. He reappeared with a jug of table wine and a giant grin. "After I told them, dad brought me this! He said it was a reward for trusting them. I don't think mom knows."

Stan gaped at the size of the jug. "Holy shit!

"Right? I'm so stoked for it! You know, cause they might not be able to get alcohol but at least we've got some no matter what!"

"Wait, we?"

"Yeah man, I'm not gonna drink this to myself."

Stan smiled at him. "Thanks, man. You don't have to do that."

"Meh, you'd do the same for me I bet."

Stan looked approvingly at the wine. "Man, your mom really has come a long way from 'Death to Canada'."

"You're telling me. I think she realized that eventually I'll be an adult, and I might not want to be close with her if she's a psycho. But as for my dad...I think this," Kyle waved the bottle around, "I think this is an apology for the dolphin-plasty. Or the metrosexual thing. Or...never mind."

Stan reached out and patted his shoulder consolingly. "I know how you feel man."

Kyle shuddered, "I had almost forgotten about Steamy Ray Von…"

"I'm still recovering from the Creme Fraiche deal."

"Speaking of, you hungry?"

Stan glared at him but his stomach took that moment to loudly announce its need and he had no choice but to concede. Kyle looked smug as he left for the kitchen, his friend following behind.

Stan sighed. He would eat breakfast, hangout for a bit, and then he was going to Cartmans to set everything straight.

He needed for forget that dream.

* * *

"So that's what happened. Theres no real Jew Gold."

Stan sat beneath Cartmans heavy stare, once again recounting the uncomfortable experience of 'spying' on his best friend. Although the discomfort from the tale was nothing compared to the chills at recalling his dream.

"Sorry, dude." He lied.

Cartman remained silent for some time before responding. "Very well Stan. It appears that some sort of..._mistake_, has occurred. I hereby relieve you of your duties."

Stan suspiciously regarded the chubby young man. "Um, what?"

"You may leave."

He squinted his eyes. "Seriously dude? That's it? I'm just free to go?"

Cartman squirmed, causing his double chin to wiggle gently. "Is it so hard to believe I've some maturitah*?"

Stan stood up quickly, waving his hands. "Never mind, dude. Never mind."

Cartman waited stiffly, hands folded once more on the polished oak, till the door was firmly shut and Stan's hasty retreat could be heard as he descended the stairs. Cartman then pulled out his cellphone and hit the third number in his speed dial.

"Its me. As I thought, operation Sneaky Jew must begin."

* * *

*Maturity

A/N Sorry about this chapter guys. Dense on plot or something. I had a minor vag surgery this week and was bananas hungover last sat so I'm finally getting this to ya. But next scene is Token's kick ass party! DUNDUNDUN. I don't know when I'll have that out. Lets hope next week?

PS it has been barely edited. I am sorry.


	4. Part 4

Thanks for your patience. At this point, I'm amazed if anyone is still reading this. Still, I wanted to finish what I started so long ago. It's heavy on dialogue since there is the TOKEN'S SUPER KICKASS PARTY scene, everyone is as IC as possible. There will be ONE MORE chapter after this, part way done, and an epilogue that is already complete.

Thus far unedited. Enjoy!

* * *

When Stan stopped his skateboard at Token's property, the house was alive with light, thumping beats, and teens. Stan's classmates poured out of the house and prowled the yard like slow moving ants. Like drunk ants, he noted as Clyde vomited into Pip, who shrieked. Stan grinned, adrenaline and nervous excitement coursed through his system as he picked up his skateboard and made his way in through the doorstep. The door was open with the throng of teens passing through and he easily pushed by them into the house, feeling the rhythm of the music pulsing through his chest as he looked for his friends. Kenny would definitely be there, he hoped Kyle would already be too.

At the thought of his friend, Stan's stomach flipped.

Fucking goddamn Cartman. Stan hoped he wasn't here.

He continued pushing his way through the bodies clocking the hallway, emerging into the enormous living room where the lights and thunderous music elevated his quickly declining mood. Nearly immediately he spied Kenny, Bebe, and Kyle sitting on one of the couches. There was a card game being played on the table in front of them and and several more couchfuls of his classmates were crowded around it.

Kenny spied him and leapt up with exuberant energy, shouting, "Heeeyy! Stan's here!"

The room erupted with a sloppy and noncommittal, however loud, 'Aye's and 'Woo's.

Stan laughed, a little embarrassed. He knew he wasn't that popular, but Kenny was always one to enjoy the public embarrassment of his friends. Stan saw that Kyle was smiling at him, apology and relief evident in his features. He felt his flush intensify and he looked away as casually as he could.

Kenny joined him at the entrance to the hallway. "You wan' a beer?"

Stan grinned, his system thrumming once more. Kenny disappeared to fetch him one, and Stan wondered where Kyle's jug of wine was, if he'd even brought it. Stan still hadn't made up his mind on if he was avoiding Kyle of not. Thankfully everyone had been busy with the end-of-term papers this last week leading up to Token's senior party, and he hadn't been able to see him anyway. The reprieve from those responsibilities had been nice. But if he was honest, he really didn't want to avoid Kyle. At the same time he couldn't fight the feelings of confusion he felt after such an intimate dream. He couldn't fight the awkward intent and the morning after with his friend's family. At least now he didn't have the added stress of his guilt and misgivings about having to watch Kyle.

Maybe now that the bullshit with Cartman was over, he could just forget it.

Yeah, that was a good plan. He could ignore this. He accepted the Solo cup from Kenny, taking a big gulp of beer and committing himself to not think tonight.

"Keg's in the bathtub when you want more."

Stan looked around at the mansion in confusion. "Which one, dude? This place has to have like ten bathrooms."

Kenny shrugged and took a drink. "All of them."

Everyone from school was there, drinking out of plastic cups and dancing to the heavy beat of what sounded like an extremely remixed version of 'Fingerbang;. Shouldering past Clyde who was flirting with a girl named Christi, they made their way to the couches where Kyle stood up to give Stan a bro-y hug; firm grip and a back slap. "Hey, man!"

"Hey," Stan replied, taking another drink. "What the hell is with this music?"

"Dunno. Want me to change it?"

"Absolutely. It sounds like Fingerbang."

Kyle held a hand to Stan's face as a request for him to stop. "Don't speak to me about Fingerbang." He left.

Stan waved to Wendy, Bebe and Red who were all on the couch. "Hey guys, how's it going?"

Bebe rolled her eyes, which Stan thought was weird but ignored it. He couldn't remember pissing her off, but women weren't exactly something he understood yet. Wendy smiled and waved back. "Hi Stan."

He leaned over to Red, who was closest. "Is there seriously a keg in every bathroom?"

"Mmm," Red thought for a minute. "There is on the main floor. I don't know about upstairs or the basement."

"Wow!" Stan beamed, turning to Kenny and grabbing his arm. "This is incredible!"

Kyle smirked at his friend. "You're a million times more stoked than I expected."

"Of course I am! Finals sucked and this party rules!"

Just as he said that, two strong arms found themselves draped around the boys shoulders.

"Having fun?"

Kyle smiled at him, "Hey Token! Great party."

"Yeah!"

"Thanks guys. That means something coming from dudes as crazy as you." He looked like he was about to say more but was cut off by a chorus of 'boo's when the music suddenly stopped. "I better go check on that."

Stan put his hand on Token's chest to stop him. "Don't worry, it's just Kyle. He's changing the music. Was that Fingerbang?"

"I don't know, it was made by the AV club kids. But thanks Stan, keg's in the bathtub."

"I heard." He grinned again as the music started back up.

"Get a room guys, I'm getting jealous over here."

Stan shot him a quizzical look, but then realized his hand was still on Token's chest. He removed it quickly, chastising himself for thinking that weight training classes they took together were doing good things for the other kid.

Token ran his fingers through the back of Kenny's hair lightly. "Don't worry, baby. I didn't forget about you."

Kenny giggled, imitating a bashful, enamored girl batting his eyelashes at Token.

"Alright, I'm out of this one," Stan said, ducking under Token's arm. He didn't play the game of chicken well when it came to weirding people out; he wasn't very good at it, and he had seen it end awkwardly more than once. He might get labeled a coward, but at least he wouldn't end up making out like Kenny (it's always Kenny, isn't it?) did with Clyde. Tweak was pissed, and the next week Stan has his first man on man sex dream.

Stan stepped backwards as he drained his up at the memory, walking directly into Kyle's chest. He turned around, giving his friend some space and an uncomfortable smile before noticing Kyle's empty hands. "You need a beer, man?"

"Sure dude. Let's grab one."

They pushed through the throng of bodies that were once again bumping and grinding. They were so tightly packed that Kyle reached back to grab Stan's hand so they didn't separate. To be truthful, Stan was grateful. The house was gorgeous, but it was huge and he didn't want to get lost while he was starting to feel buzzed.

They pushed their way into the bathroom that was just off of the enormous kitchen where the door was promptly slammed shut by the throng of dancing bodies.

The bathroom was probably half the size of Stan's bedroom; across from them was a marble counter that spanned the entire wall, matching white cabinets with shining silver knobs to their left, a tub and shower took up part of the wall to their right with a pile of red solo cups beside. The sleek, dark grey shower curtain was pulled to the side reveal an ornate waterfall design that flowed down into the tub, which was partially full of ice.

"Pretty crazy out there, huh?" Kyle said with a smile, his eyes flicking to the closed door.

"Right? It's awesome. Are you having fun? How long have you been here?" Stan asked, appraising the huge, metal keg.

"I actually got here a couple hours before you showed up. Kenny swung by asking me all this shit about the party, and I wanted to leave before Ike caught wind. He's too young for this stuff, you know?"

Stan nodded, finally finding the spout and arranging himself at a good angle to pump the keg. "Yeah, I get that."

"Yeah, so we came around pretty early and it was dead; I was helping Token load the kegs into all of the bathrooms, and all of these people started showing up." He laughed. "It was like, the sun went down and then everyone showed up. Someone put that playlist on and then it's been pretty much like that out there since then. Hey, I told my mom I'd crash at your place tonight, so she wouldn't worry about the party. Is that cool?"

Stan grunted as he pushed down on the pump. "Yeah, that's cool dude." He paused, laughing a little. "I told my parents I was staying with you."

"Awesome," Kyle chuckled. "You need a hand?"

"Uhh," Stan peered over at his red cup, which was partially refilled. "I think I got it fine."

Stan kept pumping on the keg, liquid flowing into his cup till it was full. He pulled it away from the spout and raised it, feeling that it was light. He passed it off to Kyle, picking up another from the pile stacked by the tub to fill.

"Cheers," Stan said a bit breathlessly, raising his cup to Kyle's. He tipped it back, only to get a face full of foam. He choked and pulled it away, and was forced to wipe his face. He looked up to see Kyle in a similar state, and smiled sheepishly.

"Wow, I guess I'm not that good at this…"

Kyle coughed, but he smiled at his friend. "Ugh, I don't think so, but I don't know if I could do much better." He eyed the keg. "But..let's try again?"

Stan tried repositioning himself, but it didn't seem to make any difference.

"Uhh," He glanced back at Kyle who was standing by the door. "Could you hold the cup for me?"

"Yeah, sure dude." Kyle immediately came over, but hesitated as he realized that he couldn't properly get to the spout without encroaching on Stan's personal space. "I'll just, uh… Yeah. Sorry."

Kyle sidled right up beside Stan and tried to be helpful, but Stan seemed to just be pulling foam.

"Maybe if we-"

Stan was interrupted by a bang as the door opened quickly, slamming into the cabinets behind.

Kenny stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. "Sup, guys?"

"Hey man, lil' help?" Stan asked, gesturing to the keg.

Kenny cracked his knuckles. "I wondered why you guys were taking so long. Step aside, my queers."

Stan rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop saying that?"

Kenny pumped down on the keg, letting the foam roll out onto the ice. "You sound like Wendy. Don't be lame."

"Shut up! I do not."

Kyle snickered next to him. "You kinda do. But Kenny, seriously. It's weird."

"Stop complaining and someone hand me something."

Kyle passed him a cup and Kenny tilted it at the spout. "You gotta let it run for a sec, the kegs got shook up. They're all foamy."

Stan and Kyle shared a look but didn't say anything.

Once the boys had their beer, they slipped back out into the masses.

They made their way back to the couches where a few more people had joined them, talking and laughing. Stan and Kyle sat next to each other on the bigger couch and Kenny sat on the other end, Craig and Clyde between them.

"Hey, Clyde, good to see you man." Stan greeted.

"You too dude."

Craig noticed Kyle drinking out of the plastic cup and couldn't hold his tongue. "Wait, Kyle, are Jews even allowed to drink?"

Stan laughed. "What are you talking about Craig?"

"It's the same with Muslims and Jo-Hos, right? It's against their religion?"

"Mormons too," Tweak chirped.

"Nah man," Kyle waved his hand vaguely. "Our religion does a ton of drinking. You never seen Robin Hood Men in Tights?"

Craig scrunched up his eyebrows. "Wha? What does that movie have anything to do with drinking?"

"Mel Brooks' character? The rabbi with the drunk horse? He had all that wine."

"Dude," Clyde nudged him roughly with an elbow. "We are so watching that next weekend."

"Hey Stan?"

Stan leaned over so that he could see Kenny seated on the opposite side of the couch. "Sup?"

"Truth or dare?"

"Uh.." Stan quickly weighed the risks of taking a dare now, when he was relatively sober, versus later when the same might not be said… "Dare."

Kenny rubbed his hands together maniacally, "Yes! I dare you to pee outside for the rest of the night!"

"Uh, alright dude," Stan laughed it off, but Bebe seemed upset.

"HEY! That was my dare from King's Cup, you little thief!"

"New game, new rules, Bebe!"

She huffed and crossed her arms. "Whatever! Have fun being an unoriginal ass."

Stan chuckled at them. "Alright, well I'm gonna take a piss then." He left, stepping out into the night.

* * *

TBC very soonly


End file.
